Bad idea for our family? - Adoption.com Forums

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Originally Posted by bronzetree Hi. My husband and I are in the process of trying to adopt an older child - probably in the 12 or 13 yo range. We currently have a 3 and 6 yo (6 yo was adopted as a baby from foster care). All I keep hearing from friends and family is that we are nuts and will ruin the beautiful family we have. Deep down, both my husband and I believe that many of this children, while weighed down with years of baggage, can at least partially heal in the right environment. Am I crazy? What do those of your with experience in this area think? Is it realistic to think that this child, while challenging, might eventually bring more joy to our family, rather than pain and difficulty? Thanks in advance!

It's not that the right child could bring 'joy to your family, rather than pain and difficulty'....it's the fact that the risk you're taking may not work well for any of you, and could cause a detrimental life-long event to your younger children.
It's a fact that something like 95% of all children in the foster system have been sexually abused. Many of these children don't act out to anyone; but it's fact that many of them do.
This is why most agencies and many who've adopted through the foster care system would say people should never adopt out of 'birth' order. It's just a huge risk.

Have I seen older child adoptions work-well? Yes, some; but I've also seen many more *not* work out so easily--or so well. And it's that difference between, 'easily---or so well' that puts a big risk to your other children. If you had no other children...or older children (as in, over the ages of 12-13yrs old), I wouldn't be posting this. But there are far too many agencies that want to place older children into homes---just to get the children off of their docket. The system is well-known for NOT being helpful if/when adoptive parents find themselves in a horrible place because the child they've adopted has brought about incredible horrors. Again, to be fair, there ARE situations that work pretty well; but also to be fair, the older the child, the greater the risk that things will not pan out well and the adoption will *not*work out well. (But realizing things aren't going to work well could be after your younger children have been sexually assaulted or emotionally abused by a much older kid.)

Why not consider a child younger than your children at home now? This would lessen the risks considerably. Not to say abuse (sexual, emotional or physical) wouldn't happen....but at least there's a greater chance your children would tell and/or be able to defend themselves through event or pursuasion.

Please re-consider; and to read more, visit the forums dealing with Foster Care or the Special Needs forums.

Sincerely,

Linny

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Last edited by Linny : Yesterday at 11:06 PM.

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